Welcome!

I'm a professor.  I have lupus. And I have a preschooler.  Am I mad to take on blogging?   Whatever.  I need to talk, so to all two of you, thanks for listening.

I was diagnosed two years ago, but I've probably had it, sub-clinically, for most of my adult life.  Who knows, maybe my whole life.  Looking back, being tired has been the overriding theme of my existence.

In theory I'm an ambitious academic, but I'm driving a car that keeps running out of gas.  I push harder on the gas pedal, it works for a very short while, and then no matter how much harder I push, the car dies.  After gassing up, I wonder if I imagined it all.  Other people can go hundreds of miles on a single tank.  So maybe, this time, if I'm just less lazy, more organized, more self-actualized, more committed . . .

I'm the anti-FemaleScienceProfessor.  Go check her out, she's awesome.  But reading her makes me so tired I want to throw up.  I haven't been to a professional conference since I got pregnant.  I've never had a federal grant.  I publish in fits and starts, and the list of ideas that I don't follow through on is weighing me down.  

Okay, want to know how crazy I am?  I want to homeschool my kid.  WAITWAITWAIT, hear me out.  I know I can't do it alone.  But with a large homeschooling community around me, a local Independent Study Program that will take my kid at least a couple of days a week, babysitters to take her to activities for less cost than private school, and a self-motivated kid who likes to disappear into her own projects while I work on my computer . . .   Maybe, just maybe.

So that's a preview of some of the themes I want to talk about.  Hope to see you again.